I love the story of Adonis and Aphrodite, maybe a little too much. The mortal that was loved by Aphrodite, whom loved to hunt and was gored by a wild bore. How the goddess of Love tried to heal him by pouring nectar on his wounds, but was unable to save him. When her tears mixed with his blood and landed on the soil, up grew strawberries. Sounds a little bit like my love life…. I’ll get around to explaining.

I’m not proud of the fact that I prefer married men and how it reflects my own emotional shortcomings. Yes…


I thought we had months left, or at least weeks…. that amounted to months as a worst-case scenario. I would never have thought we would only have days. But when the hospice nurse was explaining to us what to expect as his disease rapidly progressed, I was hit with a wave of emotion and my silent thought escaped me without warning, “This is really happening” I said out loud, as it unlocked the gate of tears that ran down my face. The hospice nurse’s tears mirrored my own. There was absolutely nothing we could do, but love him.

My Uncle…


If I were to compose a piece of music that would translate the love I feel from this woman, I would need strings made of rare and precious metals that live in the bodies of instruments found in Lord of The Rings and played only in a cathedral of another world. If I were a painter, I would need a studio and a canvas bigger than an air hanger to capture the incredible joy and healing she has given to my heart. …


The beginning of May never changes for me and I am never the same after it makes its passage through the year. Every May is Mother’s Day and my Dad’s Birthday and every May starts out feeling like an emotional evisceration. This year was no exception and it started out with a very difficult conversation I had with my Dad, whom I’m estranged from for several years now. Not only did the conversation not go the way I was hoping, but it also left me with more than I had hoped to achieve from it.

I had asked my Dad…


The Japanese call mindless eating, “Lonely Mouth” and more and more people have been doing a lot of that during this pandemic. I’ve done it my whole life, but when you do it for comfort, is it still a lonely mouth? Is it still mindlessness?

My mother loved to say, “People discriminate against fat people, they think you’re less intelligent and just fat and happy.” My mother and her mother’s obsession with my weight started before I knew bodies could be different. I remember my Mother’s mother scolding me about the size of my underwear I received as a gift…


There’s usually just enough time between Christmas and Easter to convince myself I have overcome my family trauma. I get to coast, just long enough for the first half of May to sneak up on me like a heard of army tanks. It rolls up like something out of a sci fi movie. An ominous hostile alien spacecraft that casts a shadow that covers an entire metropolitan city. I’ve had very minimal contact with my family over the past 5 years, out of necessity for survival for my two teenage daughters and myself.

Tomorrow is my Dad’s 73rd birthday and…

Jennifer Mathews

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store